1. Accept Whatever You're Feeling
Grief isn't just sadness. You might feel angry at them for leaving, guilty about things you said or didn't say, relieved their suffering is over, or completely numb. All these reactions are normal, even when they feel contradictory.
Don't perform grief for others or try to be "strong" all the time. Set aside time each day to feel whatever comes up - cry in your car, scream into a pillow, or just sit with the heaviness. Fighting your emotions takes more energy than experiencing them.
2. Keep Your Connection Alive
Death ends a physical presence, but your relationship doesn't have to end. Research shows that maintaining ongoing connections with those we've lost is healthy, not something to "get over."
Light candles on difficult days, cook their favorite meal, visit places you went together, or keep talking to them. Create new traditions that honor them - plant a garden, make donations to causes they loved, or continue activities they enjoyed. Do whatever feels meaningful to you.
3. Build Your Support Network
Grief is isolating, but you don't have to do this alone. Different people will offer different kinds of support - some are great listeners, others help with practical tasks, and some just sit with you in comfortable silence.
Be specific about what you need: "Can you bring dinner Tuesday?" or "Will you help me sort through some belongings this weekend?" Many people want to help but don't know how. Consider joining grief support groups or seeing a counselor. Connecting with people who truly understand can be incredibly healing.
4. Take Care of Your Physical Health
Grief exhausts your body. You're dealing with massive stress, so basic self-care becomes even more important, even when it feels impossible.
Try to eat something nutritious, try to get some sleep, and move your body gently. If you can't eat or sleep for prolonged periods, talk to your doctor about temporary support options.
5. Create Meaningful Memorials
Honoring your person through meaningful activities can provide comfort and purpose. This doesn't have to be elaborate, sometimes the simplest memorials are most meaningful.
Organize a celebration of life that reflects who they really were. Start a donation drive, volunteer for causes they cared about, or teach someone something they taught you. Create a memory box, commission artwork, or plant something that will grow. The goal is to transform painful energy into something lasting.
6. Find Ways to Express the Inexpressible
Sometimes feelings are too big for words. Creative expression can help you process emotions you didn't know you had.
Try writing letters to them, journaling, or poetry. Make art through painting, drawing, or crafts. Create music or meaningful playlists. Take photos that capture your current emotions or happy memories. You don't need talent, just let whatever's inside come out.
7. Balance Routine with Flexibility
Structure can be comforting when everything feels chaotic. Try to maintain some normal anchors like your morning coffee ritual, regular mealtimes, and evening walks. These small consistencies can provide surprising comfort.
Be gentle with yourself. Some days all you can do is survive until bedtime, and that's enough. Don't add guilt about not being productive to your grief.
8. Learn Grounding Techniques
When grief feels overwhelming, grounding exercises can help you feel less like you're drowning. Try the 5-4-3-2-1 technique: name 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, and 1 you can taste.
Practice deep breathing or simple meditation. These won't eliminate your pain, but they can help you feel more anchored when emotions threaten to sweep you away.
9. Allow Joy Without Guilt
This might be the hardest part. You'll laugh at something or have a good day, then feel terrible about it. Your person would want you to experience happiness, - being miserable forever doesn't honor their memory.
Joy and grief can coexist. Laughing doesn't mean you miss them less, and having good moments doesn't mean you're "over it." Let yourself enjoy things when they naturally arise, without forcing it or feeling guilty about it.
10. Practice Self-Compassion
You'll probably be harder on yourself than anyone else would be. Notice when you're thinking things like "I should be over this by now" or "I'm being weak," and try to speak to yourself like you would a friend going through the same thing.
Grief doesn't follow anyone else's timeline. You're not broken if you're still struggling months or years later. You're not doing it wrong if it takes longer than people think it should. You're human, dealing with something incredibly difficult.
When You Need More Help
Sometimes grief becomes bigger than what you can handle alone. Reach out to a therapist if you are struggling and want professional support.
Therapists who specialize in grief aren't there to "fix" you, they're trained to help you navigate complex emotions and experiences. Therapists can introduce you to support groups that can connect you with others who truly understand what you're going through.
You can contact Shamiri Health at support@shamirihealth.com or 0718292043 to be matched with a therapist.
Redefining the Goal After Loss
Coping with loss isn't about "moving on" or "getting back to normal." It's about learning to carry your grief while still finding reasons to engage with life. Some days will be about pure survival. Others might surprise you with unexpected peace or connection.
You're not trying to get over them - you're learning to love them and miss them while still living your own life. That's one of the hardest things humans have to do, but people have been doing it for thousands of years. You can too, at your own pace, in your own way. Your grief is proof of your love. Learning to carry both is perhaps the most profound work any of us will ever do.
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